Cerberus, devil-eyed, three-headed hound from Hell, is definitely scary...
1. Jim McMillan - The rent is too damn high, and apparently his furry, white balls are, too!
2.Christine O'Donnell - Shown here denying the possibility that masturbation relieves tension.
3. Carl Paladino - just a sweet, little, love bug, shown here reasonably considering a different point of view
4. Sarah Palin - Common sense, logic and reason personified. Crazy, radical, violent, shrewish, mean-spirited, mad-as-hell, close-minded, misinformed-but-unconcerned, ranting, my-way-or-the-highway, wack-a-doos deciding what is good for the "real Americans" in this "nation under God" is truly frightening.
Vote. We can't just give up.
By the way, am I the only person who finds the following picture really funny?
So, yeah. I took a little hiatus. Didja notice? See, I've been busy. For one thing, I'm taking a writing class, and all the thinking and writing, and writing about thinking, and not writing and thinking about that has been eating away at my time. Also, it's the season when the students at school are angst-ridden and crisis-laden, so there's that. They think I'm wise, because I tell them I am, but that comes with a price; I'm always having to nod knowingly and answer their questions with still more evocative questions or meaningful quotes that I mostly have to make up real quick-like, and which I usually attribute to Martin Luther King of Jesus.
The real reason I haven't been posting is that I like it when people wonder what I'm up to. It adds to my persona of mystery and exoticism. Exoticness. Exoticnicity. Anyway, I like to remind you every once in awhile that you don't know me like that and you can't even imagine all the crazy shizz that's going on up in here, on account of I'm an enigma, and I am also magically delicious. (Bet you didn't expect me to say that, didja now!)
Here are some things I have seen lately:
This one is an army of parrots. Parrot-troopers. They are in camouflage, because they are on maneuvers. They might be terrorists, but I can't be sure. I'll keep an eye on them... Sunset in Bluffdale, Texas. $10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000! You don't see that every day! Unless of course if you live in Zimbabwe, where it's pretty common, on account of it's only worth about 30 U.S. dollars. By the way, I have no idea what a ten trillion dollars looks like, so I just kept typing zeros until I grew bored. I like this picture because it looks like a painting. Or I like this painting because it looks like a picture. I love these beetles because they have such iridescence. Not so much this particular one, because he is mortally wounded and soon will be an ex-beetle, like Pete Best, who has pretty much just faded away into obscurity. He is a fading bug on a fading leaf, trapped in a sentence that has no point, but just slowly fades away...
Who doesn't love the spotlight, right?
This last one was the start of an ugly girl fight... Fortunately, true gnarliness was averted when the bigger one leaned over and swallowed the skinny one whole. Yum.
I am the president of the "...and another thing." Well, maybe not the president; my sister and my friend Trixie can and another thing you death, but I am at least the Ambassador to Canada of "...and another thing." For reasons unfathomable even to myself, I am basically unable to get out a complete thought, opinion or statement in just one sentence. Or one sitting. I will say something like, "I am going to Whole Foods. I need to get stuff for dinner. I'm considering spaghetti. But I always forget if you are supposed to boil the water first and then add the noodles, or the other way around. You'd think I'd know by now. And another thing - I always make too much spaghetti, and then I have to eat it for days. Why is it that no matter how much you crave spaghetti, you're pretty much over it after you've had a bowl full? And another thing I'm like that with: tacos. They're really good and all, but once I've had my fill, I am done with the taco! But you know what I'm not like that with? Those deep-fried, kind of gross, faux-cheddar cheese stuffed jalapenos that come frozen and are served in crappy dives throughout the South. Man, I love those things! I could eat a billion of them! And another thing I could eat forever: blueberries! One time, I ate so many blue berries in one sitting that..."
You get the idea. And that was just when I'm talking to myself. Fortunately, as I think I have made abundantly clear, I don't really need anyone else to uphold his/her end of the conversation in order to get me to open up. Worse still, I often forget what I've already said- there's just so much of it!- and so, maybe minutes, maybe days later, I will repeat myself. Or I'll remember the conversation, but will feel compelled to revisit it and add just one more thing.
I am trying to choose my words wisely and say less, with the hopes that what I choose to say will be more meaningful and significant, as opposed to the many, many things I utter that are trivial, uninteresting or trite. But I doubt that's going to happen.
And another thing that I am trying to cut down on is all that is whiny, high pitched or mumbled. Probably won't be too successful with that one either. You may or may not recall what happened to me when I tried to stop complaining back in Aught Nine. If you wish to review, look through the post labels on the right side of the blog and click on the ones labelled complaints or complaining. I another thinged three times before I got that one out of my system.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing about this is because I just wrote a long post about 10/10/2010, and it turns out I'm not done. I have another thing. Or two.
"Angry Ventriloquist" by Edie Brickell. Copyrighted, you dirty image thief.
THINGS PEOPLE SAY
These are other things that have come through my email, again used without permission:
"BTW, I love the word SEGUE. It's the ultimate F-U to sound it out." -K.E.
"You are not on Facebook." -Scott
"You could pick a totally silly fictitious name to get on FB just to spy on everyone and not tell anyone your fake name." -LSD
TO Scott, FROM me: Duh! Thanks for the update! Did you think I just forgot to sign up for the most massive, cult like, stalkerish, Big-Brother-would-be-proud social media network into which my generation has ever willingly mass-enrolled?
TO LSD, FROM me: Or, I could just call everyone and say something like, "Hey, what's up?" Since I actually know all the people I care about, it's a pretty good system...
And another thing - I saw Catfish recently. I liked it. It made me think about identity, and all the people that are wrapped inside of a single being. And another thing it made me think about: how Facebook sucks!
"One day [at the post office] there was this really skanky neighborhood girl in line in front of me. She was leaning against the government-issued clock on the wall, trying to be sexy and flirting with the young guys behind the counter. As she leaned on the clock, the wire screen protector over the clock came unhinged and loudly crashed to the floor. The startled post office guys warned her that she'd better quickly pick it up. She sheepishly replied, "I cain't...I ain't got no panties on." After I told that story at [my job] the phrase echoed...as the all-purpose excuse to avoid getting out of work. I should say an all-purpose excuse, as there were many, including the very popular 'I'm too high'." -L
Classic.
My dad sent me this. He's a bit of a religious scholar.
Also, another thing: My friend Jonob - not his real name, but funnier this way- sent me these outstanding Tell It In Ten additions:
On a Doomed Relationship:
Christ, I'm fucking bored. I need to get some strange.
On the Cusp of Change:
Autumn has come so fast. I barely smelled summer's sweat.
Shall we have Tell it In Ten Again? OK! We will! Writer's Challenge #5 is to sum up thoughts about the following three topics or themes:
Lullabye
The First Time
Nervous Habit
or...
Another Thing
If you know me, email your submissions. If you don't know me, post in the comment box and then I'll delete them and publish them officially at a later date. Whoever you are, be sure to let me know how you would like to be credited. Come on people! Don't leave me hangin'! Get them creative juices gushin'! I shouldn't have to be the only one writing this blog, right?
I'd like to get started on it right this second, but I cain't - I ain't got no panties on.
One other thing...
Here are three stellar songs about psycho killers but that are not actually the song that is called "Psycho Killer":
WARNING: These are about psycho killers! They are creepy and disturbing! Watch at your own peril!
"Tyler" by The Toadies
"Stan" by Eminem (NOTE- This one is a little lame because it's all censored up, but still)
"Westfall" by Okkervil River (There are many live versions, but this way you can really hear the lyrics)
Two other things...
Can anyone tell me why I can no longer post these blogs in a colored font?
3. Three bands to check out: Prescott Curlywolf is a band that is now defunct, but that doesn't stop me from becoming a new fan about four years too late. Big deal, right? I first heard of them when a friend turned me on to the Damnations, which was also a great band, but also, alas, no more. http://www.last.fm/music/The+Damnations+TX/+tracks
The guitar player, Rob Bernard, went on to Prescott Curlywolf, and since then I have bought up every cd I can find, and regret that I never got to see them live. Fortunately, if they are dead, they have been reincarnated, in a manner of speaking, into this new band, Mandible, that I also really want to see someday. They are from Austin, so check them out if you are in the area. Unless, of course, they are an ex-band also. It's hard to tell. Here's where you can check out some Prescott Curlywolf: http://www.myspace.com/prescottcurlywolf
and here is a Mandible video:
So, yeah, that's only the first of the three bands I wanted to tell you about. The next is Okkerville River, also from Austin, also a band that has been around for a long time, but for me a relatively new dicovery. I love them. Will Sheff, the singer-songwriter is a poet. Each song is a story, and they are almost always tortured, which as you know, is right up my alley. They are dramatic and beautifully crafted. I searched for a video to embed, but I couldn't decide on which one; such a cool band! You should just Youtube them, or buy any of their cds. They are all good.
The last band of the three (you got a lot of extra band for your buck, right?!) is Darker My lLove. I'm not sure I like them so much. But you might. And I like their blog. I think they are clever.
4. Here are 4 random things that have come from emails people have sent me recently. I'm totally ripping them off, posting them without asking, so I'm keeping it on the DL so nobody will tell me I can't. If you see something you wrote, and you want me to remove it, or if you want credit for it, let me know.
"Good? There is no good! The world is awash in evil, pandemonium and misery. Except for me. I'm all brilliance, light, and joy."
" 'Write to bare arms.' Genius. What is the address?"
"Speaking of oo-la-la, did i ever tell you there's a sledding hill on the east side of central park that we nicknamed 'oo-la-la hill'? it's a few blocks from the lycee de francais in NYC and all the french moms brought their little ones there and chatted with each other on the top of the snowy hill as their children took turns sledding down and then trudging back up. every time a kid went down and picked up speed over a bump or swerved and didn't slow down upon reaching the stacked hay bumpers at the bottom, a mom would cry out in a kind of concerned coo, "oo la la!" so you heard things like, "oui, je pense - OOH LA LAAA! PIIIERRRE!... (petite sigh)- d'accord" every few minutes until you packed it up and pulled your sled on home over the west side hills, where the new york moms could be heard saying things like, "seriously, these snow boots were on sale, so I got the next size up for next yeuh -OH MY GAWD! REEUBENNN!...(fat sigh)...so, anyway..."
"Don't be talkin' 'bout me when I'm not around!" (Haha! I did it again!)
5. I want to do this: . It's so cool. If clicking on that box doesn't work, go here: http://www.arthousecoop.com/sketchbookproject . I want to do the one that is called "In 5 Minutes." I want to do my page(s), and then pass it off to someone, and then he/she passes it on, until ten people have contributed, all connected strangers, and then I want it to come back, so that I can see what it has become, and then off it goes again, until it's done. Do it with me! Come on! Do it! I'll pay for the sketchbook and I'll pay postage, to wherever.
6. Six Pics that say "So long, Summer, and Fall, you look fabulous!"
P.S. These are my pictures. Don't steal them. Consider them copyrighted, and don't be a douchebag.
Ah, the colors of autumn!
7. Seven words I have recently looked up: ONEIRIC, QUEEN, FASCIATE, QUIS(may be ok in Iphone Scrabble, but not in my dictionary!) and LOVE.
8. I ate leek and potato soup for this first time of the season! Fall is delicious!
Ghosts are scary...
Zombies are scary...
Cerberus, devil-eyed, three-headed hound from Hell, is definitely scary...
Crazy, radical, violent, shrewish, mean-spirited, mad-as-hell, close-minded, misinformed-but-unconcerned, ranting, my-way-or-the-highway, wack-a-doos deciding what is good for the "real Americans" in this "nation under God" is truly frightening.
Crazy, radical, violent, shrewish, mean-spirited, mad-as-hell, close-minded, misinformed-but-unconcerned, ranting, my-way-or-the-highway, wack-a-doos deciding what is good for the "real Americans" in this "nation under God" is truly frightening.
